Holiday Heartache: How to Handle Grief During the Holidays

Celebrating the holiday season can be difficult for those who have lost loved ones, particularly if the loss happened shortly before the holidays. But there are ways to manage the mourning process and nurture your own mental well-being during this difficult time of year. Here are a few suggestions to help handle grief and, hopefully, spend some time commemorating the lives and memories of absent loved ones during the holiday season.

Don’t try to get away from grief or happiness

Grief is a natural part of healing, according to a piece in Inc. magazine. Trying to avoid it entirely during the holiday season by ignoring the sadness you feel, avoiding festive events, or turning to coping mechanisms, such as having a few too many glasses of wine at parties, will likely only extend the painful process. And, if you do find yourself having fun at a holiday event or experiencing moments of joy while watching kids’ faces light up at the sight of Santa, embrace those positive feelings. You shouldn’t feel guilty for letting go of your grief for the moment.

Know your limits

At the same time, there’s no need to force yourself to accept every invitation. Be open to skipping events and activities that are likely to trigger too many painful memories. And exert some control over things that are completely up to you. For instance, if holiday shopping was an annual ritual for you and a loved one who recently passed away, consider shopping online if visiting festively decorated stores without them will be too painful.

Optimize your living space

Give your mood a boost by organizing and decluttering your home. Work room by room and donate, sell, or toss rarely used items. Bring more natural light into your home by opening the curtains. You can also add some low-maintenance indoor plants, which will help improve your mood and purify the air.

Create meaningful traditions

Honor your lost loved ones by finding personally significant ways to remember them during the holidays. Make your mom’s signature sweet potato pie or set aside a special place on the tree to hang your father’s favorite ornament. And allow yourself to create new rituals or transform time-honored traditions to fit your life today. For instance, that might mean replacing an annual gift-wrapping party that was always orchestrated by your lost loved one with a day volunteering at a homeless shelter. Research shows lending a helping hand to others can also lift your spirits.   

Spend time with your pet

There’s a reason why animals are becoming increasingly popular as furry therapists for combat veterans, kids undergoing experimental medical treatments, and others. Interacting with your dog, or even just gazing into your pet’s eyes, can increase levels of oxytocin in humans and animals alike. Oxytocin is a hormone that elevates feelings of happiness and trust while boosting your body’s readiness to heal itself, according to NPR. For instance, a large body of research shows interacting with animals boasts a wide range of health benefits for people, including a reduction in blood pressure and feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression.

Take a walk

Studies show walking your dog can have significant psychological benefits as well, according to Psychology Today. Taking a stroll with your pet gets you up, moving, and outdoors, all of which can help manage stress, boost brain and physical health, and increase your sense of well-being by helping you connect with nature. At the same time, you’re likely building links with your community as you nod to neighbors and stop to let fellow animal lovers get their furry-friend fix by giving your dog a few belly rubs or pets. This can be a powerful vaccine against feelings of loneliness that come with loss.    

Seek support

You should also look to your human friends and family for help through the holidays. Many of them likely identify with your sense of grief for the same loved one, and you can share mutual memories and moral support. 

Finally, don’t be afraid to reach out to an outside support group or mental health professionals like those at Northeast Psychological Wellness for compassionate and quality mental health care during what can be a very difficult time. If you’re overwhelmingly anxious, prone to emotional outbursts, or are losing weight, these may be signs of a larger mental health issue that will need to be treated. Along with seeing a mental health professional, treatment may also include medication and lifestyle modifications. 

Navigating the holidays while grieving is never easy, but it is possible. Try some of these tips to rediscover a few of the joys of the season while holding your lost loved one in your heart.