What is Radical Acceptance?
Radical acceptance is a distress tolerance skill from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Pain is an inevitable part of life, but suffering doesn’t have to be. Radical acceptance helps us to acknowledge that denying the facts of reality won’t change those facts; it will only get us stuck ruminating on the things we can’t control. Radical acceptance involves complete and total acceptance of the things we can’t change. It happens when we stop fighting reality and stop responding to it with destructive behaviors that keep us in the loop of suffering. It isn’t easy, but practicing it allows us to manage our distress enough that we can lean into doing things to effectively cope with reality, rather than expending all of our energy wishing reality wasn’t happening.
Radical Acceptance Skills
There are two major skills we need to use in order to practice radical acceptance. These are turning the mind and willingness. Turning the mind is basically actively choosing acceptance of a given situation above rejecting the reality of it. We can imagine this like a fork in the road, with acceptance on one side and rejection on the other, and giving ourselves the push to move towards acceptance. Willingness, on the other hand, involves our motivation to live life to the fullest, and an openness to accepting all that comes along with it. It is being aware of your circumstances and being willing to try new things to increase your well-being. Once you have chosen acceptance over rejection and are willing to accept all that comes along with that, then you’re ready to take 10 steps towards radical acceptance.
10 Steps Towards Radical Acceptance
| Step # | What to Do | Example ✈️ |
| 1 | Observe that you are fighting against reality | “I am noticing myself fighting the fact that I missed my flight.” |
| 2 | Remind yourself that the unpleasant reality is out of your control | “The plane has already left the gate, there is nothing I can do to change that..” |
| 3 | Acknowledge that something led to this moment | “This happened because of the unexpected traffic on my way to the airport.” |
| 4 | Practice acceptance with your mind, body, and spirit | “I am going to accept the fact that I am not getting on this flight. I am stressed out, but I am going to breathe and know that I will be okay, and I will eventually get to where I need to go.” |
| 5 | Consider what your behavior would look like if you did accept the reality | “If I did accept this reality, I might take a few moments to relax; then I might go ask the attendant what other flights are available.” |
| 6 | Imagine believing what you don’t want to accept, and then rehearse in your mind what you would do if you really did accept it | “I am imagining myself accepting this, taking a moment to decompress, being okay with the fact that I won’t get there when I expected, and moving on to figure out what is next for me.” |
| 7 | Remain mindful of physical sensations in your body | “I am noticing that my throat feels tight and my heart is racing, but they are slowing down as I practice acceptance.” |
| 8 | Embrace the feelings, even ones that you would deem negative | “I don’t like feeling this way, but I know that these things happen, and that difficult feelings are a part of life.” |
| 9 | Acknowledge that life is worth living, even when those negative feelings exist | “Even though those feelings exist, my life is still valuable, and there is still so much to be grateful for.” |
| 10 | If you find yourself resisting, make a pros and cons list to better understand how impactful acceptance can be | “Some cons to being unaccepting might be to continue to suffer and to be even later than I already am. Some pros to acceptance are that I might feel more calm and ready to problem-solve so I can get to where I need to go.” |
Why You Should Practice Radical Acceptance
Now that you know how to practice radical acceptance, you might be asking…but why should I? Some common misconceptions about radical acceptance is that it means giving up or being passive about the things in your life that you don’t like. However, the opposite is true. Radical acceptance means maximizing one’s ability to be proactive about the things we do have control over. It means moving from a place of “why me”, “this is terrible”, or “I wish this weren’t happening to me” to “Okay, this is what it is, what can I do next?” Where in your life might you want to start practicing radical acceptance?
If you’d like to work with a therapist to help you implement radical acceptance in your life, contact our office to schedule an appointment.