“Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.” – Eckard Tolle
Anger has a terrible reputation. When we picture an angry person, we see someone who is aggressive or uncontrollable; they’re likely to hurt others with their explosive actions and words. The angry person themselves is likely to feel hurt, too, with overwhelming guilt and shame as a result of their actions. When something like anger is responsible for so much pain, it makes sense why it’s looked down upon so much.
However, feeling angry isn’t a flaw. Anger is inherent to the human experience. This means that it’s impossible to avoid feeling angry throughout our life. When we suppress any core emotion, including anger, we’re actually increasing the intensity of it because it’s not being acknowledged. Allowing ourselves to feel all of our emotions is integral to our overall health and well-being. Experiencing anger gives us information to better engage with the world around us and even benefit from it. Anger motivates us to solve our problems, and even energizes us to do so. It protects us from danger as the fight in a “fight-or-flight” response. In fact, when we are prompted to anger, it pushes us to act. We experience physical changes like rapid heartbeat, clenched fists, and rise in body temperature. Historically, this was a very useful survival tool. It might seem silly at first to compare ourselves to cavemen, but while the dangers we face are very different from that of our predecessors, we’re still built to defend ourselves. Interestingly, our physical reactions to anger also soothe our nerves. This explains why we’re likely to feel calm after an angry reaction to an event. This protective product of anger is one of its biggest benefits, too.
Anger shields our more vulnerable emotions, like sadness and fear. For this reason, it’s common to exhibit angry or irritable behavior when an individual is very depressed or anxious. It’s a sign that we need to take care of ourselves and heal the hurt we’re in. Anger is also heavily associated with a need for control. When there’s an obstacle causing us distress, anger helps us feel in charge of ourselves and our situation so that we may better our circumstances. Using this feeling of power appropriately can be very beneficial for bartering our needs with others.
All of our emotions serve to tell us something important. Anger, in particular, is a primal feeling that alerts our bodies to respond to danger. Therefore, anger has value. In fight or flight, we experience physical changes like rapid heartbeat, clenched fists, and rise in body temperature. For example, if an individual has a fight with their friend and holds it in rather than communicate their problem, the anger is going to sit within them and stew until they have an emotional outburst. This can happen later when they drive home and get into a road rage accident or yell at their partner without little cause. Studies show long-term physical health consequences of repressing emotions, suggesting that this repression affects our cardiovascular system and increases the risk of diabetes and heart disease (Chapman et al 2013). This is also strongly correlated with higher instances of depression and anxiety. Shorter-term effects are just as harmful, including negative effects on blood pressure, memory, and self-esteem (Engen & Anderson, 2018).
This is why learning to manage our anger and using it constructively is so important. Anger management is commonly seen as a mandated intervention in conditions of release for offenses, including assault or domestic violence. Research shows that traditional anger management assumes that there is a direct relationship between anger and aggression, and that by targeting anger, we can then eliminate aggression. However, this isn’t necessarily true. Anger doesn’t always lead to aggression, nor is it necessarily the cause (DiGiuseppe & Lee, 2018). Experiencing anger is, again, just a part of being human. This is why being able to manage emotions like anger is also not limited to those who exhibit extreme behaviors, and it’s worth practicing for everyone.
By acknowledging the feelings beneath the surface and allowing ourselves to accept it with kindness inward, we are truly able to confront the roots of anger. We can’t always change the things that elicit anger but learning what triggers us and how to cope with it more effectively can bring more balance into our lives. After we know what our needs are, we’re better able to take care of them and avoid explosive outbursts of emotion. After all, it’s a lot easier to diffuse anger at the beginning rather than dissipating explosive anger. Prevention through proactivity and self-awareness is a great method to confront unhealthy expressions of feeling.
Written by Michelle Mota
References
Chapman, B. P., Fiscella, K., Kawachi, I., Duberstein, P., & Muennig, P. (2013). Emotion suppression and mortality risk over a 12-year follow-up. Journal of psychosomatic research, 75(4), 381–385. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2013.07.014.
Engen, H. G., & Anderson, M. C. (2018). Memory Control: A Fundamental Mechanism of Emotion Regulation. Trends in cognitive sciences, 22(11), 982–995. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2018.07.015.
Lee, A. H., & DiGiuseppe, R. (2018). Anger and aggression treatments: a review of meta-analyses. Current opinion in psychology, 19, 65–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.04.004